The Story of Us: Part Two

To read Part One, click here.

After two months of waiting we finally had a date set. We were going to watch a Packer game and just hang out. I figured once the game was over, our date would be over. I could not have been more wrong. We sat at that bar for nine hours. NINE. HOURS. Just talking, eating, laughing. We had the best time. Because I promised I was going to be honest, I now have to admit that I went home and CRIED. I cried my eyes out. Weird, I know. I was just so freaked out. I guess I have to admit that I knew he was someone special. Tommy opened doors for me. Paid for things. Asked my permission before he did things. He was and still is the most respectful person I have ever been with. 

I have had my fair share of boyfriends. In fact, I really can't think of a time I was ever alone. I always settled. I felt like it was better to be with someone even if  I wasn't treated with respect and love. Being alone was scary. Apparently being with someone who treats you like crap is better. The saddest part is I actually believed that.  So here I was with this man who actually treated me the way I deserve to be treated and I totally FREAKED out. I had myself so convinced that I didn't deserve to be with someone who was sweet so what did I do? I did what any "normal" person would do. I set off to sabotage us. The more dates we went on, the nicer he got. He brought me flowers. Told me I was beautiful. Did things every woman WANTS and I ran kicking and screaming the other direction. In fact, I believe I told him once to take me off the pedestal because if he treated me like I was better than him, I would act like it.  Annnd I did. I did the worst thing anyone can do in a relationship. I cheated on him. I went back to my ex. Who does that?? Sadly, this girl. *OUCH* I hate typing that. I hate admitting it. I hate talking about it. BUT its part of our story and its only fair that I'm honest about it.

As soon as I did it, I knew. I knew what a total, complete and utter idiot I was. What the HECK was I doing?! Then to complicate matters, I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to tell him. I saw Tommy a couple of days later and he was showing me how to hold a baseball. Because, you know, depending on where you put your fingers on the baseball, you get a different type of pitch. Who knew? Certainly not this girl. I know it sounds super cheesy and maybe it is but he was just so genuine and cute when he was showing me how to throw the different types of pitches. I just burst into tears. I felt TERRIBLE. The guilt was eating me alive. So, I told him. I thought for sure things were over. He looked at me and didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then he said and I quote because I will never forget this, "this situation is like baseball. Except in baseball its three strikes and you're out. This is strike one and if you ever do this to me again, you're out." Lesson learned. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. I don't know why it took me stepping out of our relationship to realize how much he meant to me but it did. Sounds so pathetic now and I have no excuse. We still laugh today about how ridiculous I was in the beginning of our relationship. I truly believed I didn't deserve him and that is what it comes down to. Since that AWFUL day, we've had many conversations about all of this. I am who I am today BECAUSE OF Tommy.  Up until that point, I thought I knew what love was. I thought I respected myself but I learned I had no idea what love even was.  He taught me how to love. I am so thankful for him and the fact that he saw something in me and was willing to give me a second chance. I don't know where I would be without him.  I owe much of who I am today, to him.

The rest of the story is simple. We continued dating. Moved in together. Got pregnant, perhaps unexpectedly. Got married. Got pregnant again. Bought a house. And lived happily ever after. It hasn't always been easy. And it certainly isn't perfect. But it is the story of us and I wouldn't change a thing.  

The Story of Us: Part One

As February comes to an end, I can't help but think about love.  Isn't that what this month is about? Falling in love. The act of loving others. Noticing the love all around you. Personally, I think every month should be about love. One of my favorite blogs, Take Heart, featured a monthly series that shared different bloggers love stories or how they fell in love with their partners. I have debated sharing my love story for the entire month. I've gone back and forth because I believe a love story is personal. Not something the world needs or necessarily wants to hear about. Then I changed my mind. I want to be honest and forthcoming. I want this blog to be a reflection of me and the things that are important to me. My love story is a HUGE part of me and who I am...therefore, blogging material.

Tommy and I went to the same high school. The same obnoxious small high school. You know the one. Where everyone knows everyone and everyone knows everything. He was the quarterback of the football team and a year older than me. I was nowhere near as noticeable. I didn't want to be. Needless to say, we were not on each others radar. We didn't officially meet until he was a senior at UW-La Crosse (UWLAX) and I was visiting one of my besties who also went there. If you don't know much about Wisconsin or colleges in Wisconsin, UW-La Crosse is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. There isn't much to do there except go to school and drink. It's just a fact and it does play a role in our meeting.

It was November and it was COLD. We were at a bar when I noticed him. I was actually in a relationship at the time and should not have been noticing other men but it was hard NOT to notice him. I kept feeling like someone was watching me. Every time I looked over at him, he was looking at me. All of my girlfriends noticed. They kept telling me to go over and talk to him and I wouldn't. This was a sign, although I didn't realize it at the time. I NEVER back down from a challenge but for some reason, he made me nervous. I don't know if it was the way he looked at me or the butterflies he gave me when he smiled but whatever the reason I couldn't make myself talk to him. The night ended and nothing more happened. On my drive home the next day, all I did was think about him. Why was he looking at me? Why didn't he come talk to me?

Fast forward to a year later. I was up visiting my bestie again and saw Tommy out. He didn't go to UWLAX anymore but he happened to be up visiting friends that weekend too.  Perhaps another sign? I think it was actually the same bar as the year before. This time I was not in a relationship and decided to just go talk to him. We talked the entire night. After bar close a group of people were going back to his friends apartment. I wanted him to ask me for my phone number and he hadn't yet so I was stalling. I begged my friends to come along. I sat there for two hours and he still hadn't asked so I decided it was time to leave. He asked to walk me out. I said OK. As we are walking outside he finally asked so we exchanged numbers. I left him in the parking lot and I was so excited.

A week passed. A month passed. Two months passed. No call. I was frustrated. I wanted him to call so badly but I refused to call him. Finally, I gave in. I purposely called him when I knew he would be at work. (ohhhhh the games we play, right?) I figured if he called me back that meant he wanted to see me too. If not, I was going to move on. Wouldn't you know, he called back and we set a date to finally get together.

To be continued...

My heart

How beautiful is this little boy?! I suppose I'm biased but looking at this picture makes my heart melt. He looks so sweet and peaceful. This weekend I was watching him play outside in the snow and it hit me. I love this boy so much. More than I ever knew I could. He can make mistake after mistake and it won't matter because I will always love him. Regardless of what he does, I will love him. Of course I've always loved him but watching him play outside when he didn't know I was looking just solidified it for me. The two of us have  had a rough go the past few months. Aidan really struggled when Gray was born. He acted out and directed all of his frustration at me which made our interactions really difficult. I was so fed up and frustrated with his behavior. Watching him play in the snow and looking at this picture makes all of that disappear. I would do anything for this boy. Anything. He is my heart. And I am so blessed to have him in my life.

InstaFriday

FRIDAY! We meet again and I am so so glad! I'm linking up with Jeannett today over at LifeRearranged to share my weekly cell phone pics. You should too! 

Today, I woke up to THIS little surprise outside. FINALLY. SNOW. YaaaaaaY! This is our first year in our house so we have been anxiously awaiting the snow so that we can finally play in our yard. You know, to build snowmen and forts. So this is very exciting stuff. 

I got these pretty little flowers from my hubby who felt guilty about not sending me flowers on Valentines day. Which is a bit of a funny story...on Monday, February 13, I was feeding Gray his supper and Tommy was gone for his night class. The Fed Ex truck pulled up to our house. I thought to myself, I haven't ordered anything lately. Well, the man brought a box to our door. Aidan brought the package inside and low and behold, it was a box of flowers. I was BEYOND excited. This is a huge deal because Tommy and I don't really celebrate Valentines day. So when I thought I was sent flowers I was over the MOON excited. I called my dear husband to thank him and his response was, what flowers? I didn't send you flowers. Oh. You didn't? Okk... Well, after carefully examining the box, the flowers were for my sister not me. Her sweet boyfriend sent them to my house to surprise her  because she watches my boys for me on Mondays. So these are my i-feel-guilty-because-you-thought-i-sent-you-flowers-but-i-didn't FLOWERS. 

Three words:  AMAZING. MUST READ. Thank me later :)

Book 2 isn't pictured because I am in the process of reading it and carry it with me everywhere I go at ALL times.

We took a break from Legos this week and played trains instead. All of Aidan's trains are kept in little plastic bins. Grayson fit perfectly in the little red one. SO CUTE.

Hellllllo shiny forehead and scary red eyes! If you can move past the scariness that is me in this pic, you can clearly see we are busy going on a bear hunt, right? In addition to the trains, we have been going on many bear hunts. Do you know the song? "we're goin on a bear hunt, goin on a bear hunt. Lookin for a bear. Lookin for a bear"... Aidan's class was singing this song in his music class so everyday this week he has come home from school singing it. Our bear hunt includes carrying around nerf guns to shoot the bear (of course!), flashlights and us singing the song. It is actually quite entertaining. Grayson loves it. He thinks the whole spiel is hilarious. I absolutely love the sound of my boys laughing together. annnd YES, it is February. annnd YES Aidan is wearing Christmas PJs. Don't judge. This mama is waaaaay behind on laundry. Perhaps I should have taken a picture to prove it.

I have been searching high and low for white tables for our living room. Everything is SO BROWN. Brown couch. Brown wall. Tan carpet. We have white frames on the wall so I thought white tables would brighten up the space. Let me tell you. This search for white tables is NOT easy. I found this little beauty at Home Goods and am so in love. Isn't she purty?! Now, I need to find a tall library table. Wish me luck. I have a feeling this isn't going to be an easy task.

A little list

Today, I thought I would share some random tidbits about me...because I know you are dying to learn all about little ole me! Here is what makes me tick:

1. Reading is one of my hobbies but it seems like I rarely get the chance to enjoy it anymore
2. I am terrible in the kitchen but am really trying to get better
3. Growing up, I hated sports. Every. Single. Sport. NOW, I love them. Particularly baseball and football
4. Fall is my favorite season
5. See #4… I LOVE fall boots. Scarves. Leaves. Pumpkins. Anything fall related
6. Summer is a close second
7. Boating is my favorite thing to do during the summer. There is nothing better than enjoying a beer on a boat
8. I am obsessed with Starbucks…well, caffeine in general. Coffee. Lattes. Chai. You name it. I love it
9. I hate flying…
10. But I want to go to Australia
11. I have vertigo and get dizzy randomly…it SUCKS
12. I do not ride carnival rides or rollercoasters
13. I am a fantastic organizer…truly I think it makes some people sick
14. I have never cut the grass. Ever. In my life.  Would have NO clue how to even start the lawn mower
15. Nor have I used a snow blower
16. I quit smoking five years ago and am SO happy I did 
17. Blogging is my new obsession. I love stumbling upon other peoples blogs and getting inspired. Someday, I would like to make a job of it :)
18. I have five really close girlfriends that mean the world to me
19. I prefer white wine to red
20. I love seafood…
21. BUT have never tried sushi
22. I named one of my boys after a Sex and the City character...
23. which means I am either crazy or I love SatC...I'm going to go with the latter
24. I recently discovered my  spiritual side and am really enjoying learning what that is all about
25. I have animal nicknames for both of my boys: “Aidan Monkey” and “Little Lion Man”
26. I really want to run a marathon OR something…perhaps I will just start with a 5K
27. My husband and I recently bought a home...
28. I am loving painting, decorating and trying to figure out "my style"
29. I am a total neat freak…which can be really tricky with little ones
30. I LOVE bathes. Bubbles optional.
31. Making lists of “things to do” is FUN for me. I get a huge sense of accomplishment when crossing items off
32. I finished my Bachelors degree when pretty much no one thought I would...and
33. I want to go back to school. In fact, if I could, I would just be in school my entire life and never work...
34. because I am convinced I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up
35. Party planning= FUN not stress
36. I am easily frustrated when I can’t figure out how to solve a problem on my own. Asking for help is really difficult for me
37. Being a mommy is one of best things in the world but I have little patience. This changed quickly after Little Lion Man
38.  Monkey and I like to make up our own words for things and speak “our own language” 
39. I have no sense of humor and have been known to take things personally
40. I can be judgmental 
41. Two words: Milwaukee. Brewers
42. Diet Coke is my friend
43. Terrible. Terrible dancer
44. I have a major phobia of puke. As in literally RUN the other direction
45. I have never been out of the country
46. I am a lover of hand sanitizer, also known as, “magic soap” in my house
47. I never ate a hotdog until I married my husband
48. My favorite book is Eat. Pray. Love. I get something new from it every time I read it and I refuse to see the movie
49. My favorite author is Emily Giffin
50. I am awful at Math…even simple addition and subtraction…its quite pathetic
51. I have never watched any of the Star Wars movies but should because Monkey has a healthy obsession with all things Star Wars related
52. Kings of Leon is my favorite band
53. Bad breath is the biggest turn off
54. I prefer vanilla ice cream to chocolate
55. Target is my favorite store
56. I am NOT a morning person
57. I never thought I could be a stay-at-home mom until recently. I feel like I am missing out on so much
58. I have never driven stick shift
59. Laziness drives me crazy
60. Everyone I know always talks about wanting to go back to high school because it was the best time of their life...I beg to differ. I would never go back 
61. I have a subscription to Better Homes and Gardens and my husband makes fun of me for it. I think that magazine ROCKS
62. I drink right out of the carton. Gross. I know. but i do it anyway
63. I believe in second chances

THE END. For now

My Take On the Ridiculousness that is The Bachelor

SO. I have a secret. Well, HAD a secret. I LOVE The Bachelor. As in, schedule my Monday evenings around the show. Crazy and slightly obnoxious, I know. Don't judge. We all have our vices. Mine just happens to be trashy TV. What is so funny about this is that when The Bachelor first came out, I would always make fun of the show, the people on it and just how desperate the entire situation seemed. Ohhh, how things have changed. I have become sucked in by all of the drama. To be honest, this is only the second season I've watched but WOW do the producers know how to get people hooked. I don't know what it is about the show that attracts me...if its all the silly girl drama, which I can't stand to be around, so one would think I wouldn't want to subject myself to it on television either or maybe it's all of the exotic locations the cast travels to. Maybe it has to do with watching all of these women go on the most amazing looking dates.   When else can you go skiing in downtown San Fran? I am also a hopeless romantic. I love being swept off my feet so maybe that is part of what attracts me to the show.Whatever the reason is, I am hooked.  Do you watch? What are your thoughts on this season?  After last nights DEVASTATING ending...I thought I would share some of my thoughts regarding this season.

During the very first episode, I knew I loved Kacie B. LOVED her. She just seemed so sweet and genuine. Plus, she is so cute. Lindsey (also known as, girl on the horse) caught my attention too. Then there were the crazies. There was crazy blogger Jenna, who proceed to be eliminated in the second episode (thank goodness!) and Blakeley, the 34 year old "VIP" cocktail waitress, who made a weird scrapbook all about her and Ben's "journey" together and then was promptly eliminated. Ladies, making scrapbooks for your man is ADORABLE...IF you've been together a long time.  Otherwise, kinda weird and creepy. Just sayin. And then there is Jamie. Poor Jamie. When she awkwardly tried to "direct" Ben on how to kiss her, I couldn't even watch. I was so embarrassed for her.  Poor girl. She too, was immediately sent home. Finally, Courtney.  UGH. COURTNEY. Perhaps, I should have titled this post rants and raves about Courtney . If she wins, which is all I personally think she cares about, I am going to have a huge hairy canary.

I'm sure Courtney is a very nice person but she drives me crazy. Those faces. Those phrases. YUCK. #winning! WHO says that?! Or "I didn't know strippers could play baseball"... OK, that line was actually slightly amusing but still. She is so rude. In my own opinion, which is all this post really is, MY opinion, when a girl doesn't get along with ANY other girls, there is clearly something wrong. How can you not have one friend on the show? If all the other girls don't like you, there is a reason. Clearly, you are a snake or some other type of animal.

While watching the home town dates, I got this sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew Kacie B's home town date didn't go well. Personally, I think her parents sabotaged her. As soon as her dad said he wouldn't give his approval if Ben asked him if they could get married, I knew she was a goner. The cherry on top was when Kacie's mom said she didn't want the two of them to live together before they got married. Which, I'm sorry but I totally do not agree. You HAVE to live with the person before you get married. How else do you figure out each others quirks?! I just knew at that point, it was bye bye Kacie. I was SO BUMMED. And she was so upset. On that note, WHERE did Nikki come from?! To me she came out of nowhere and is all of a sudden a contender. REALLY?! Nikki over Kacie....mmmkay. I certainly don't get it but hey, I'm not on the show.  Since my favorite is now gone, I'm hoping that Lindsey and Ben end up together. Although, at this point it seems like none of the couples actually "make it" once real life sets in so it should be interesting to follow.

Tell me what you think! Who do you think is going to end up with Ben?

InstaFriday

Hi Friends! T.G.I.F!! I don't know how your week was, but mine was long and kinda terrible! There was all sorts of goofy stuff going on so I don't have too many pictures to share this week. Although, the pictures I do have are quite cute...take a looksie. 

So. My  Grandpa was in the hospital and is now in a rehab facility. VERY long story but basically, this all happened a couple of weeks ago and lets just say its been nothing but STRESS trying to help my Grandma figure everything out. Oh, I should probably mention that they are currently in Florida alone, as in without US, their family, to help them. The situation has left me feeling quite drained. You are probably asking yourself, why is she telling me this when there is a picture of valentines? Well, that would be because I wasn't going to do valentines for Aidan. I had too much going on and was stressed about my Gramps BUT then mommy guilt kicked in FULL FORCE (on Monday night of course when it was too late to go out and buy Valentines) and I kept thinking what if he is the only one who doesn't bring valentines?! 

Thankfully, my bestie was over to help so we whipped up these cute little cookie sandwiches and put them in little baggies with a topper. Besides the fact that I could not find my cute treat bags ANYWHERE, I thought they turned out really cute and they tasted SO. GOOD! Had I "been on the ball" I would've had Aidan write his own name but that wasn't really an option at 11pm on Monday night. Thank goodness for best friends!!  

I laugh every time I look at this picture of Grayson. Doesn't it look like he is saying "No pictures. No pictures. I'm trying to play the piano here!"

Boys will be boys right?! Aidan put my face washing head band on to imitate me. He insisted on wearing it for the entire evening, even during our "bear hunt."  I wish I had been more with it this week...we went on a bear hunt and had so much fun. Maybe next time, right?! 

Little Man Tea Party

This past Sunday I co-hosted a baby shower for one of the lovely ladies in my moms group. I thought I would share some of the decorations and ideas from the shower with you. Who doesn't need a little inspiration when throwing a baby shower or any party for that matter?! (just a little side note...most of the ideas originally came from here, we just recreated them) So much fun...

The general theme of the shower was "tea party", which was super cute in itself, but the host of the shower didn't want to be responsible for setting-up/taking down all decorations, making food, planning games, etc. Her thought was to have individual people "host a table" at the shower, which basically means if you decided to host you were responsible for decorating your table, setting up/taking down all decorations and hosting the guests that sat at your table (bringing them their tea, etc). Maybe I live on another planet but I had never heard of this before and thought it was an awesome idea.  Throwing a party is A TON of work and I personally really enjoy it but I know some don't, so this idea of "host a table at a shower" might really appeal to you.

Because I love planning parties, I knew I wanted to host a table. My friend Katie and I teamed up together. We went back and forth with what we wanted the theme of our table to be. We finally decided on a "little man" tea party.  I had hesitations at first because I knew I wanted to use this theme for Gray's first birthday party and I wasn't sure I wanted to repeat a theme (blame the party planner in me) but then I realized I could reuse some of the decorations so the "re-user" in me decided to just go with it.  Plus, we knew no one else would use this theme, so it was a win-win situation.

This was our centerpiece...we used our husband's ties and wrapped them around the inside of the hurricane. Then we tied a tie on the outside. I also ordered these to put in the center piece. We thought the props would be a fun way to let the people sitting at our table get involved with our theme. Plus, they made for some super cute photo ops! 

Cute signage to go with our theme :)

Because the main theme of the shower was tea party, we used china for our place settings. On the tea cups, my lovely friend Katie came up with the idea to put little "wet your whiskers" tags on all of the cups. She just printed them up on her computer, cut them out and then tied them with ribbon onto the cups. So cute and SO easy! 

Don't you just LOVE these cute necktie napkins?! I do! The idea was to make the napkin look like a dress shirt with a tie so that if you tucked your napkin into the top of your shirt, it would look like you were wearing a tie. We used scrapbook paper, cut pieces out in the shape of ties and then glued them together. I love all of the different patterns we were able to use. The first picture shows more than one tie. 

We found this cute little onesie on Etsy and HAD to have it because it went so perfectly with our table..it was also part of our gift for the mom-to-be for her little man! I thought it was a lovely day and I think we pulled off our little man theme quite well. What do you think?!  

To my boys

Tommy dearest.

I love you because...

you balance "us" out so perfectly. You are the perfect compliment to my crazy

I love you because...

you tell me I'm beautiful even with zit cream on (yeah, I said that!)

I love you because...

you teach me things I never thought I would care about. Who knew I would someday like baseball and know when spring training starts??

I love you because...

you gave me our boys. You are an amazing Dad
I love you because...
you make me want to be a better person

I love you because...

through the thick and thin, you've always been there. Thank you for never giving up on us

I love you more than words can say

 

Aidan Monkey

I love you because...

you are the best big brother in the world

I love you because...

you are so funny and make us laugh all the time

I love you because...

you dance like a robot while singing "I like to move it move it"

I love you because..

you like to spend time baking and doing crafts with me. I dread the day when hanging out with me is no longer fun
I love you because...
you can tell the difference between "mommy music" and "daddy music" and you know the words to Adele (whether this is a good or bad thing is still TBD!)

I love you because..

you are my first baby and you taught me how to love unconditionally

and last but certainly not least...my Gray baby

I love you because...

the first thing you do when you wake up is smile at me

I love you because...

you have the cutest army crawl

I love you because...

of your determined personality

I love you because...

you are still so innocent and sweet

I love you because...

you love to snuggle up with me
I love you because...
you have the cutest, red, spiky hair

Happy Valentines Day to you and yours!

InstaFriday

Helllllllllllllllo Friday!! It has been a long week around these parts and I am so looking forward to the weekend! Time to share what we've been up to this week...and it has been a BUSY week filled with fun. Take a peek :)

Tommy and I had a mini getaway, which was absolutely amazing and desperately needed.  We never went on a honeymoon and have never been "away" anywhere together. I think you can imagine our excitement at the idea of being alone.  This was our little condo/cottage we stayed in. So cute! We had an excellent time with the exception of a few minor bumps but nothing is perfect, right? Said bump, includes incredibly obnoxious, drunk neighbors who like to set off the smoke detector three times in one evening. How do you even do that?! We definitely had a few laughs.

During our time away, we did a lot of this... I wish Tommy had told me he was taking a picture. Perhaps I would've actually SMILED. Oh well. One of my favorite things to do is sit in an outdoor hot tub in winter. 

Fancy date night dinner! Mmmmmm GOOD! I can't tell you the last night we sat at a table together and had uninterrupted conversation...it was quite lovely.

Fancy date night wine! MMMMMM GOOD! More please.

Now, back to reality. I made these A.M.A.Z.I.N.G little treats for my Love and Logic class. Click here if you are interested in the recipe. 

These cute little props came from Little Retreats...I have a baby shower on Sunday and am bringing these to decorate the table my friend and I are hosting. More details on that next week!!

Do you have little boys? If you do, perhaps you can relate to the above picture OR

maybe this picture is a more accurate reflection! This isn't even the half of it...we have Legos coming out of our eyeballs. little. Legos. everywhere. HELP. ME. Please. I am determined to organize this mess. AND, if you know me personally, you know that this little pile eats away at me everyday.Messy things bother me and being unorganized is pretty much my worst nightmare. I can't take it anymore. Any tips on good Lego storage solutions? At this rate, anything is better than this. I will figure something out and update as soon as that happens. Hopefully, this weekend. Well, you know what I'm going to be doing to keep busy this weekend...solving our Lego problem. What are you up to?! 

Love and Logic Week #3

In last weeks Love and Logic post, I introduced the acronym C.O.O.L and discussed what each letter meant. Last night, we focused on the "C" or Control that is shared. WOW. and for the record, that is not a sarcastic WOW. That is a legit, WOW, I am impressed! What an eye opener...who knew that giving a child SOME control over their life would make things easier on us as parents. (PS. it really does! I tried it this morning)

Parenting with Love and Logic helps parents learn to give children control on our terms. A good way to do this is by giving the child choices. Examples:  would you rather pick up your toys now or hire me to do it? Would you rather clean your room today or tomorrow? Would it be best for you to do your homework today or while the rest of us are at the park tomorrow? Get the idea?? :)

Some additional things to think about when giving your child choices are:

• If your child doesn't choose, be prepared to choose for them
• Be sure to pick two choices that you can live with
• Never give a choice unless you're willing to allow the child to live with the consequences of his or her bad choice
• Remember to choose your words carefully...it is easy to turn a choice into a threat (You can either clean your room or lose your right to watch TV) Everything is in the wording.

In regards to making choices, one of the guidelines says if the child doesn't choose be prepared to choose for them. Mmmkay, I can do that but my question last night was what if your child doesn't choose, so you choose for them and then they say the opposite? What do you do? So, lets say I ask Aidan if he wants cereal or waffles for breakfast and he responds "neither" and I say "sounds great...waffles it is" and then he says "nooooo I want cereal"...what does one do in that situation?? Do you reprimand because the child didn't listen? Do you say too bad you took too long, you're having waffles? What do you do? You pick your battles. Because in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter what the child ate for breakfast? No. So if they go back and choose cereal who cares? They are eating and you are able to get out the door on time.

Another technique I learned last night was how to use an enforceable statement. If you are like me and you have a hard time getting your kiddos motivated in the morning, using enforceable statements could potentially help you. An enforceable statement sounds like: "the car leaves at____" or "breakfast is served until ____." One of the stories we heard last night was about a child who was a pokey puppy in the morning and the rule (or statement) in their house was the car leaves at 7:30. He wasn't ready at that time so his Dad and brother left without him. Then the child had to figure out how he was going to get to school. His mother ended up driving him but he had to pay her for gas. The child was never late again. The key is to follow through with the statement or "turn your words to gold" as they say in Love and Logic. If you say the car is leaving at 7:30 be prepared to leave whether or not the child is ready.  (See guideline:  Never give a choice unless you're willing to allow the child to live with the consequences of his or her bad choice)

This all sounds SO EASY but trust me, it definitely isn't. So far, the hardest thing for me has been remembering what to say or how to word my thoughts because unfortunately I am one of those people who can go from zero to ten in two seconds.  This morning the opportunity to use Love and Logic presented itself so I thought I would give it try.  As I mentioned, one of my biggest challenges is getting out the door morning. Aidan is super pokey and is always dragging his feet. As usual, his clothes were laid out for him, all he needed to do was get himself dressed, which this morning HE DID (yay! you have to celebrate the little things) but he "didn't want to" put his shoes on. In fact, I believe he said something like "I'm not doing that"...so I said Aidan would you rather put your shoes on now or after you brush your teeth?...he looked at me like what? you aren't yelling at me and telling me what to do?? he looked so confused but he said "after I brush"...my response was great, lets brush our teeth and we did.  The rest of the morning followed suite...I continued to give him options. Coat or hat first? Would you rather leave your bedroom light on while we are gone all day or give me money from your piggy bank to pay the electric bill? (really...I said that! and what do you think happened?! THE CHILD. TURNED. OFF. THE. LIGHT. without complaining. Holy cow...its a miracle!) I know that every morning won't be like this and that there still will be struggles but I was really impressed with the fact that he responded immediately to this AND that I remembered to use it. I think I am going to print up a few key phrases and post them around my house to prompt me until I really get the hang of all it. Whatever it takes, right?

Why?

WHY?

Tommy and I just got back from an absolutely fabulous weekend away...it was the first time we have ever been away from our boys and I won't lie, I cried for a good portion of the drive but we had a really great time and the boys were in good hands.Everything turned out fine. Today I had planned to post all about our weekend. What we did. What we saw. How we spent our time but that has since changed. Instead, I find myself asking why?! Does this ever happen to you? WHY? Why do good things happen to some people and not others?

While we were gone a guy that went to our high school was murdered. I didn't know this man personally, in fact I graduated before he was even in high school, but my sister went to school with him. Friends of friends went to school with him and from what everyone says, he was one of those really sweet, kind, caring, popular guys. He played sports and everyone liked him. He taught second grade. He was trying to break up an argument in a bar and he was stabbed. WHY?

There was a serious car accident in a town close to ours over the weekend as well. Nine high school girls in an SUV. The driver lost control of her car. Three of the girls died, the rest are in critical condition in the hospital. They weren't drinking or doing drugs. They just lost control of the car. WHY?

A friend of mine lost a child when he was only six months old. WHY?
I don't understand WHY things like this happen to good people.

I woke up this morning feeling totally exhausted and was dragging my feet to get out the door to a job that I don't love.  Grayson didn't sleep well last night. I'm sure this is because he hasn't been home for a couple of nights so it's going to take him some time to adjust back to his normal routine, which is fine. Meanwhile it just means we won't be getting much sleep. I woke up crabby. But then you hear about things like this and it really sort of puts life into perspective. Life can be taken from you so fast. In the blink of an eye. So, where do I get off complaining about a crummy nights sleep or a job that I don't love anymore? It makes everything that at one moment seemed like such a big deal, not such a big deal anymore. As I sit here typing this, I just want to cry. I want to cry for these families. I want to cry because I'm so thankful that I get to SEE this day. I want to cry because I feel terrible about how selfish I can sometimes be. I just wish it didn't take hearing things like this to make me realize how lucky I really am.


WHY?

InstaFriday

Yaaaay for Fridays!! Double yay for long weekends! My husband and I both have off of work today and are going away for the weekend. JUST the two of us. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I am so excited but nervous too. We've never been away from our boys so it's a bit scary for me. I KNOW they will be fine but nonetheless, still a bit nerve wracking. Back to the fact that today is Friday...that means InstaFriday time! Here is a peek into our week...

Hi beautiful baby who just learned to sit up on his own!! Although, in this picture it looks like he is about to tumble over and he probably is...that learning to sit up stuff is hard work!  He still won't smile for the camera either. What a stinker!

Don't mind my lovely husband in this picture...he is just sitting on our brand. NEW. sectional!! We were in need of new furniture SO so badly and it finally came. I am in LOVE. Seriously. I am in love with my new couch. I never want to leave it. Oh, did I mention since we've had it, Mr. Tommy here has fallen asleep on it every. single. night. and has come to bed anywhere between 3 and 4..so you know, it must be comfy! Although, anything would be more comfortable than what we had. Now, I need to find new tables and lamps. Suggestions? Apparently, we like brown in our family. I am thinking of doing white tables to lighten the room up a bit. What do you think?? PS. don't mind the empty frames on the wall. We are in the process of switching out some photos. Perhaps, I should have completed that before I took the picture. Ohhh well... ya'll get the idea. 

Did I mention our amazing new couch came just in time for this here lady's birthday?! Best birthday present ever. I came into work to find my little area decorated for my birthday. How cute, right? Definitely made my day feel even more special. I have fantastic coworkers. I decided to leave the decorations up all week too. They make me smile.

This makes me smile too!! Check out this post to read all about this flier! Very exciting stuff happening here people!

If you are local, here is the second flier. Hooray for helping others! I am so excited!

Looking forward to my time away! Have a great weekend...

Looking to help others? Here is your chance...

A couple of weeks ago I talked about this idea...and how excited I was to get the ball rolling. Well, I am thrilled to finally announce the event. SO, without further ado, I would like to tell you all about "Show Somebunny You Love Them..." a kid friendly service event. My mom's group and the Little Warrior Organization (to read more about the Little Warrior Organization, click here) have joined together to host this awesome two-part event.

First, we are going to be collecting donations for The Hope Center. The Hope Center is a local organization that aims to prevent homelessness.  The items we are collecting include:  Kleenex, toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo/conditioner, deodorant, gloves, bibles, children's books, etc. For a complete list of items, please click here.  Our hope is that these items will help warm the minds, bodies and souls of those who access the Hope Center this upcoming Easter season. Items can be dropped off locally at Ascension Lutheran Church located at 1415 Dopp Street, Waukesha, WI OR mailed to the Little Warriors Organization:  W233N6089 Lilac Drive, Sussex, WI 53089. Items are being collected from February 1st- March 21st. This event is a great way to talk with your children about helping others.  Talk to them about what it means to be homeless. Answer their questions, even though they may be difficult. Let them pick out the toothbrushes or books. SHOW them what it means to help others. Often times we talk with our kids about helping others but do we really act upon that?

Then, on Saturday, March 24th from 1:00-5:00 children of all ages and their families are invited to meet at Ascension Lutheran Church to create and decorate Easter bags. Once the bag is designed, the children will be filling their bags with the donated items. After all the bags are decorated and filled, we will be dropping them off at the Hope Center.  If you are interested in attending, pre-registration is recommended so that we can plan ahead and know roughly how many people to expect. However, walk-ins are certainly more than welcome. If you would like to pre-register for the event, click here.

We can't save the world and we can't prevent homelessness. BUT we can help and every. little. bit. counts. Please consider donating and then join us on March 24th!  If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to leave a comment. I would be happy to answer any and all questions. Thank you in advance for your generosity.

Love and Logic Week #2

Last night was my second Love and Logic class. This week the Love and Logic "C.O.O.L" Formula was introduced.Over the course of the next four weeks we will focus on each individual piece of the formula.

C.O.O.L stands for:

Control (that is shared):  the parent should have control but CAN give control away (to the child) if they want to. The idea is to give children control on our terms, not theirs. So perhaps, letting the child choose what color shirt they are going to wear that day. However, the choices need to be choices that you as a parent can live with too.

Ownership (of the problem):  parents and children need to be able to determine who owns the problem.  The idea is to let the child take ownership of the problem instead of yourself. I personally struggle with this. I always want to tell Aidan what to do and solve his problems for him. I guess that makes me a "drill sergeant" parent. A good technique I learned last night to help with this is to ask Aidan what HE THINKS will happen during certain situations instead of continuing to always tell him. The key is to always ask questions to help foster independent thinking.

Opportunity (for thinking/decision making): Use thinking words not fighting words. Tell the child what YOU will do during certain situations and let them think for themselves. I have always tended to use fighting words. Again, telling Aidan what to do and how to do it..."you aren't going to talk to me like that" or "I'm not going to pick up your toys for you," instead of something like, "I would be happy to talk to you as soon as the arguing stops." This again, is really difficult for me.

Let (empathy and consequences do the teaching):  When you punish your child you are teaching them to feel ashamed and angry and you are making the decisions. You are also giving the child a chance to be angry and resentful towards you instead of working toward a solution to the problem. When you give them "consequences" they are able to learn from their mistake. The key to this is using the empathetic statement before delivering "the bad news"or consequence. Also, consequences allow the child to "own" the problem...again, taking the ownership away or "off of" the parent.

The hardest thing for me this past week when trying to implement all of this was to use less words when he misbehaved. (Go figure...it was hard for me to use less words?!)  But in all seriousness, I kept finding myself so frustrated with his behavior that I wanted to tell him to knock it off and explain, explain, explain to him what he was doing wrong so that it would just STOP. Instead of using the empathetic statement and consequence, I found myself almost ignoring the inappropriate behavior because I couldn't figure out how to deal with it unless I yelled at him. What I learned this week was that it is totally OK to delay the consequence and say something like "I will be doing something about your choice but not right now. Think about that and try not to worry"...then when the opportunity presents itself later in the day, maybe he wants to read a few books at bedtime, I would use the empathetic phrase and tell him "Ohhhhhhhhh what a bummer buddy. We don't (insert misbehavior here). It makes me really sad that we can't read stories but lets try again tomorrow."

This all sounds SO EASY but it really isn't. I'm learning that I am pretty stuck in my ways. Plus, for the past five years we have been parenting one way and to try to change it now is challenging. However, I am definitely up for the challenge because clearly what we were doing wasn't working. I also think it's important for me to remember that these changes aren't something that can happen with the snap of a finger or even overnight, as much as I wish they could. Patience is going to be key. Maybe I will type up some key phrases and post them around our home until I get the hang of all of this. One thing is certain though, none of this is easy and if it was everyone would do it.