Love and Logic Week #3

In last weeks Love and Logic post, I introduced the acronym C.O.O.L and discussed what each letter meant. Last night, we focused on the "C" or Control that is shared. WOW. and for the record, that is not a sarcastic WOW. That is a legit, WOW, I am impressed! What an eye opener...who knew that giving a child SOME control over their life would make things easier on us as parents. (PS. it really does! I tried it this morning)

Parenting with Love and Logic helps parents learn to give children control on our terms. A good way to do this is by giving the child choices. Examples:  would you rather pick up your toys now or hire me to do it? Would you rather clean your room today or tomorrow? Would it be best for you to do your homework today or while the rest of us are at the park tomorrow? Get the idea?? :)

Some additional things to think about when giving your child choices are:

• If your child doesn't choose, be prepared to choose for them
• Be sure to pick two choices that you can live with
• Never give a choice unless you're willing to allow the child to live with the consequences of his or her bad choice
• Remember to choose your words carefully...it is easy to turn a choice into a threat (You can either clean your room or lose your right to watch TV) Everything is in the wording.

In regards to making choices, one of the guidelines says if the child doesn't choose be prepared to choose for them. Mmmkay, I can do that but my question last night was what if your child doesn't choose, so you choose for them and then they say the opposite? What do you do? So, lets say I ask Aidan if he wants cereal or waffles for breakfast and he responds "neither" and I say "sounds great...waffles it is" and then he says "nooooo I want cereal"...what does one do in that situation?? Do you reprimand because the child didn't listen? Do you say too bad you took too long, you're having waffles? What do you do? You pick your battles. Because in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter what the child ate for breakfast? No. So if they go back and choose cereal who cares? They are eating and you are able to get out the door on time.

Another technique I learned last night was how to use an enforceable statement. If you are like me and you have a hard time getting your kiddos motivated in the morning, using enforceable statements could potentially help you. An enforceable statement sounds like: "the car leaves at____" or "breakfast is served until ____." One of the stories we heard last night was about a child who was a pokey puppy in the morning and the rule (or statement) in their house was the car leaves at 7:30. He wasn't ready at that time so his Dad and brother left without him. Then the child had to figure out how he was going to get to school. His mother ended up driving him but he had to pay her for gas. The child was never late again. The key is to follow through with the statement or "turn your words to gold" as they say in Love and Logic. If you say the car is leaving at 7:30 be prepared to leave whether or not the child is ready.  (See guideline:  Never give a choice unless you're willing to allow the child to live with the consequences of his or her bad choice)

This all sounds SO EASY but trust me, it definitely isn't. So far, the hardest thing for me has been remembering what to say or how to word my thoughts because unfortunately I am one of those people who can go from zero to ten in two seconds.  This morning the opportunity to use Love and Logic presented itself so I thought I would give it try.  As I mentioned, one of my biggest challenges is getting out the door morning. Aidan is super pokey and is always dragging his feet. As usual, his clothes were laid out for him, all he needed to do was get himself dressed, which this morning HE DID (yay! you have to celebrate the little things) but he "didn't want to" put his shoes on. In fact, I believe he said something like "I'm not doing that"...so I said Aidan would you rather put your shoes on now or after you brush your teeth?...he looked at me like what? you aren't yelling at me and telling me what to do?? he looked so confused but he said "after I brush"...my response was great, lets brush our teeth and we did.  The rest of the morning followed suite...I continued to give him options. Coat or hat first? Would you rather leave your bedroom light on while we are gone all day or give me money from your piggy bank to pay the electric bill? (really...I said that! and what do you think happened?! THE CHILD. TURNED. OFF. THE. LIGHT. without complaining. Holy cow...its a miracle!) I know that every morning won't be like this and that there still will be struggles but I was really impressed with the fact that he responded immediately to this AND that I remembered to use it. I think I am going to print up a few key phrases and post them around my house to prompt me until I really get the hang of all it. Whatever it takes, right?