Love and Logic Week #5

Time for more Love and Logic. I can't believe there are only two weeks left. This class is going by so fast! I'm trying to soak up all the info I can. To be fair, I have to admit that I was not at class when we discussed last weeks topics. It was my first week doing ten hour days for work and I was completely exhausted. Sometimes a momma just needs to go home and sleep. I am disappointed that I didn't make it but a happy wife equals a happy life, right? So I chose sleep last week instead. Because I wasn't in class, I don't think it would be fair for me to go into great detail regarding the topics that were discussed. Therefore, I'm just going to use the book and give a brief overview.

The second "O" in the acronym "C.O.O.L" was the focus of class. "O" stands for opportunities for thinking. The idea is to give your child opportunities for them to think through their problems. As a parent, you assist your child in doing this by using "thinking words" not "fighting words" to help stimulate their thinking process.

Fighting words include:  
telling the child what to do:  "You get to work right now!"
telling the child what you will not allow: "You're not going to talk to me that way!"
telling the child what you won't do for him/her: "I'm not picking up your dirty clothes."

Thinking words include:
telling the child when he/she CAN do something: "Feel free to go outside as soon as you have your room cleaned" 
telling the child the conditions under which the adult will do something:  "I'll be glad to discuss this with you, as soon as the arguing stops." 
describing the choices a child has: "You may eat what is served or you may wait and see if the next meal appeals to you more."

What I noticed after reading through this chapter and doing some reflecting is that I always tell Aidan what to do and how to do it... "you do this or you do that. Don't do this, do that"...  I use fighting words not thinking words. I have been making a conscious effort to change the way I speak with  him. I've practiced giving him choices and the biggest revelation we've had thus far is him telling me "Mom, you just choose or just tell me what to do." He can't think on his own because he is so used to me telling him how to do something. Scary thought! This has only made me more careful about what I say to him and how I say it. I don't want him to start kindergarten next year and have no idea how to make a choice. The problem is just remembering what to say.

Here are some suggestions for you:
You are welcome to ________
Feel free to ________
I'll be giving ________
I'll drive, as soon as _______
You may _________
I'll be happy to _________

Happy parenting!