Drowning

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in life. Do you ever feel that way? I think this is probably a normal feeling to have as a momma but I just don't know where to go with it. I've said this before but for those of you that don't know, I am a working momma. I have a 9-5 well, more like an 8-6...but you get the picture. Most importantly, I am a momma and a wife. A sister and a friend. I am involved in my church. I'm in a moms group. I enjoy blogging and maintaining my blog. I have a house to keep. Bills to pay. Grocery shopping to do. Laundry. Cleaning. The list goes on and on. For the most part, these are all things that I thoroughly ENJOY doing or being involved in.  But maybe its too much. How do you decide when enough is enough?

In the past couple of weeks, my job has become more demanding, which is actually a really good thing. I am enjoying my new responsibilities but I come home exhausted. I'm also working longer hours. By the time I get home I have exactly 30 minutes to spend with Grayson and an hour and a half to spend with Aidan, which makes me sad. I feel like a crummy momma. By the time they are in bed, I can barely hold my own head up. BUT I push on...make lunches, pick out clothes for the next day, make sure Aidan and Grayson have everything they need for school and daycare, try to blog, send emails, spend time with my husband.  To be honest, its a bit much.

At what point does one "give something up" or remove something from their plate?? The problem I'm facing is that I LOVE all of these "extra" things...I don't want to give them up. However, I feel like right now, I am doing everything mediocre. AND I hate it. I am not a mediocre person. I feel like I'm letting people down. AND I hate that even more.  Tommy says I have unrealistic expectations of what someone can accomplish in a day and that I need to be more realistic. Perhaps there is some truth to this statement. Perhaps I need to reevaluate my "to-do" list. Or maybe the problem is that I want to do everything on my own. I hate asking for help. I hate admitting that I can't do something. Right now though, I am drowning. I have had the same things on my "to do" list for a week  We had tummy troubles in our house over the weekend, as well as a plumbing problem in our basement so the things I thought I would accomplish this weekend never got done. I had a blog post planned for everyday this week...its Wednesday and I am just now posting this. So much for blogging every day. I am discouraged because I'm not accomplishing things the way I wanted them to be accomplished. Maybe Tommy is right. Maybe I need to be more realistic. Maybe I'm not letting anyone down per say. Maybe the person I am letting down is myself.

I don't want this to come off as a "woe is me" post or like I'm complaining about my life. Because I'm not and that is certainly not my intention. As a momma, I am just trying to sort through all of the different demands we face every day and how to decide what if anything to let go of. Because as I sit here typing this, I feel like I can't even maintain status quo anymore. Somethings got to give, but what?