Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Patience really is a virtue

Ever have one of those days where you just want to start over and go back to bed? I do. I had one today. First, the heat in my car never kicked in on my way to work and then when I got there and turned my car off, smoke started coming out from underneath the hood. Apparently, I need coolant or something. Clearly, I am not a car person. So, Tommy was going to come and put coolant in my car when he get off of work and before I needed to drive again. As if this car business wasn't pain in the butt enough, I must have eaten something bad for lunch because an hour or so after I ate, I started to feel nauseous and thought it would be really fun to get sick at work. I have to say, there is nothing more embarrassing and horrifying then puking in a public bathroom. Especially a shared public bathroom at the place of your employment. Then I was worried I was going to get sick again. I wasn't sure if I had the stomach flu which is spreading like wild fire around here or what. At that point, I had to decide what to do. My stupid car wasn't really drive-able but I also didn't want to stay at work and get sick again. I decide to risk driving home just so I had home field advantage should I have to bow to the toilet gods again.  I made it home without getting sick again but not without overheating my car. As soon as I got home, I took a nap, which helped. I think. (fingers crossed)

On top of all of this, my monkey man, also known as Aidan, has been super difficult to parent lately. And lucky for me, tonight was one of those nights. Oh, I have to say, I've also learned that hard rule that no one takes care of mom when mom is sick. You don't get a day off. You are always a mom. Whether you feel good or not. Which brings me back to tonight and Aidan. We have good days and bad days, which I think is probably pretty typical for a mother of a five year old. I think he is just at that age where he is understanding that he is his own person separate from me and Tommy so he is really testing the boundaries with that and seeing what he can and can't get away with. Tonight everything was a fight. He didn't want to take a shower. He didn't want to get undressed. He didn't want to clean up..."whatever mom. I don't need to do that"...everything was an argument and it was exhausting. Now, I don't know about you but my patience is practically nonexistent when I'm sick. I know I know. I'm a mom and moms are suppose to be patient ALL the time. Lets just say I'm really working on it. So I feel terrible with how I dealt with Aidan tonight but I just had nothing left to give him. Maybe that makes me a bad mom. Or maybe it just makes me a tired and sick mom. Either way, I am not impressed with how I reacted and it really got me thinking about patience.

I've never had much patience or tolerance to draw upon when things don't go my way. It is a constant struggle and I really have to dig deep in order to find the patience to make it through certain circumstances, like today with my car business and then with Aidan.  I wish there was a way to just gain more tolerance but if there is, I'm certainly not aware of it.  Instead, I pray for it. I pray for the patience and strength to be a good mom and to not want to scream and argue back with a five year old. I pray for the patience to make it through hard situations. I pray that someday I will BE a more patient person but until that happens, I pray for a better day tomorrow. That is what is so amazing about this little world of ours. I get to go to sleep and know that tomorrow will be a better day.

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